The other night, I arrived home from work, exhausted, maybe a little grumpy and a little stressed. Now I am a lucky man, I have a wonderful wife who greets me at the door, along with our pack of ankle snappers. One of my favourite things to do as soon as I get home is to sit on the porch along with my wife and a nice cup of coffee, just to chat, unwind and talk about each other’s day. Sadly, this lasts about five minutes until real life intrudes. The dogs need to be fed, dinner needs to be made, blogs need to get written, assignments need to get done, and before you know it, it’s time for prayers and bed.
So, on this particular evening, while sitting, sipping my coffee and trying to stop my mind from wandering as my wife tells me about her day, I came to a realisation that we had let the world take over our marriage. Unfortunately, this is the reality of life. We might try living in this world and not be of the world, but the world is persistent; it wants us right where it can see us. When we stray, it tries with all its might to reel us back in.
I came up with an idea, not an original idea, not an earth-shattering idea, but an idea nonetheless: Date night! We were all in, excited for just one distraction-free evening, staring into each other’s eyes over a candlelit dinner, with our hands clasped across the table (okay, maybe a little less teenagerly).
I had no idea how to go about this, so me being me, I began to research this date night affair. Here are a few of the things I learnt and have noted for future date night plans.
The first step for a Christian couple is scripture. Even if you are not a Christian, this is a lovely text:
Enjoy life with your beloved wife during all the days of your fleeting life that God has given you on earth during all your fleeting days; for that is your reward in life and in your burdensome work on earth (Ecclesiastes 9:9 NET).
Good, I was on the right path.
Life with our spouses should be fun. Couples should be intentional about pursuing a happy life together. Although we need to understand that there are a million important things in this life, our relationship with our spouses should be second on that list, just below our relationship with God. I read a lovely quote from the faithgateway.com website, “Intimate, ongoing conversation is key to success in any marriage”. Not a conversation on: “Have you put electricity in the pre-paid meter, Nunu/skippy/Bingo needs to go to the vet, the geyser is leaking, the toilet seat is cracked, but a face-to-face, eye-to-eye connection and just appreciating each other’s company.
Make it a weekly habit. Life can sometimes be a hurricane, a tsunami, and a tornado all at once, but try to the best of your ability to make it happen. I read an article in Focus on the Family by Erin Smalley, who gave some statistics on how women viewed date night. I am not sure what country the statistics came from, but I am sure they would be close if we did it in SA.
- 23% of women said date night is about romance.
- 29% said date night is about getting back on the same page.
- 50% said the number one reason that date night gets cancelled is that they are too tired to go out.
I imagine a men’s survey: 95% of men said it was about the food, and 98% of men said it was about the reward at the end of the night. Just kidding, guys. I understand the tired part, but an evening out can be energising; you just need to take that step out the door. Don’t you always find that the event you have little desire to go to turns out to be an amazing time? I have found it to be the same with date night.
My daughters are no longer small children, but I know locking the door behind you and heading out for romance is not so easy for those with little ones. How does one navigate this? As they say, it takes a village to raise a child. Perhaps someone in your village is willing to assist, or perhaps you have friends who have children, encourage them to go out on date night, you might offer to look after their children on their night and vice versa. Where there is a will, there is a way. Keep in mind that date night does not have to be an all-night affair. Make it about quality time together. Go out for a coffee, or an ice cream, even a movie (not a rescreening of Titanic, which goes on forever!), you won’t be out until midnight (that is not to say you can never extend the date night on some occasions). On those instances where it is just impossible to get out of the house, create a special moment after the children have gone to bed. A candlelight dinner (do not spend hours cooking, Woolworths or a takeaway will do). Even just sitting on the porch in each other’s company is fine.
Now, do not let the date nights become monotonous, yes restaurants can be good, but they can become expensive and repetitive. I have scoured the internet to produce some novel ideas I am going to try.
- Video arcade (like the Magic Company).
- Find a reputable place with a pool table.
- Mini Golf
- Go to a comedy show.
- Ten-pin bowling
- Window shopping in a mall, strolling arm in arm.
- A night market
These are just the tip of the iceberg. Some sites had over 100+ different ideas; these are just the few my wife and I will be trying.
Remember, there is no hard and fast rule; your date nights do not even have to be nights, you can make it a date day, but remember, no kids!
- A Casual hike
- A flea market
- A farmers’ market.
- Quad biking
- Bird parks
- A picnic
- A stroll through the botanical gardens
- Book a session for couples at a spa
And of course, depending on your passions, take a motorcycle ride on a Harley Davidson!
Now all of the above ideas are ones I found most alluring; however, date night is not one-sided, and there should be agreement on the activities for the evening/day. I asked my wife to give me her ideas on what a good date night should be. So, from the female perspective, this is her list:
- Milkshake at a Roadhouse
- Movie and popcorn on the couch
- Build a puzzle together
- Gingerbread house bake-off.
The milkshake at the Roadhouse is certainly one I can get with, but ultimately, I do believe getting out of the house adds a nuance to the connection.
Now, believe me, I am no expert at this. Most of the items on my list I have not done yet, but I am certainly going to put effort into doing at least some, if not all, on the list. Stay tuned, I will let you know how it goes.
So, to all the married men out there:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord” (Prov 18:22).
